The New Rules of Etiquette? Confidence, Style, and Authentic Conversations

"Being elegant is not a privilege for a few but a daily choice". Elena Tarantola, YouTuber and etiquette expert, shares her essential tips from her new book to help you master elegance in every aspect of life


03/01/2025

By Camilla Sarra. Cover by Valentina Scagnolari, detail from the cover of Consigli di Amica.

Elegance is not just about appearance; it is a way of being. It encompasses a style made of gestures and words, a universal language that conveys care, respect, and balance. Elena Tarantola, known to her audience as Elena Tee, is an expert in feminine elegance, etiquette, and self-improvement. Every day, she shares valuable advice on her social media channels, where 1.5 million people follow her. Born in Milan to Sicilian parents, she now lives in Florence
In her new book, Elegance is Not a Myth (Mondadori Electa), she guides readers through the refined art of contemporary living, which goes far beyond external appearance to include how we communicate and the quality of our relationships—whether with family, at work, and among friends. “The idea came from the need to put into writing many of the principles I share on social media, but not only that. Today’s society is in dire need of elegance, and my followers often confirm this to me.”


What is etiquette about today? Elena Tarantola shares her tips


Is elegance innate, or can we “work on it” to achieve it? 

In my opinion, elegance can be learned. It’s a bit like classical dance. Sure, some people are naturally more inclined than others, but I firmly believe that with study and practice, everyone can achieve excellent results.

Can we choose to be elegant? 

Absolutely. As with everything in life, we are the architects of our reality.

How important is non-verbal communication? 

I believe it’s almost everything. With our gaze, gestures, and facial expressions, we can say much more than we realise.

And what about verbal communication? 

Words are a powerful tool that we should use sparingly and with care.

What advice would you give us to break the ice in a conversation? 

We can start with some small talk, using short sentences to break the ice. Comments about the location, the time, or the weather are great examples. A touch of irony can also help, but it should always be used with moderation and a light tone.

Is there an art to chatting online? 

Yes, indeed. A chat conversation can quickly shift from pleasant to overwhelming if we don’t follow certain guidelines. For instance, it’s better to provide as much information as possible in a single message rather than overwhelming the other person with notifications by sending one-word messages repeatedly.

Personal care, including makeup and clothing: is it necessary to always strive for perfection? Would you agree that elegance is also about confidence?

Absolutely. Elegance is synonymous with confidence and discretion. In both clothing and makeup, what matters most is being appropriate for the occasion.

Imagine a quick guide to etiquette. Can you give us five rules for behaviour in the city and public places? 

Of course!  

1. Avoid wearing rubber flip-flops in the city.  

2. Always open your umbrella downward to prevent accidents.  

3. Greet the bartender before placing your order at a café.  

4. Refrain from making commenting on someone’s physique.  

5. Never apply makeup at the table or in public.

What about greetings and courtesies? What’s the proper way to handle them? 

When someone offers you their business card, it’s always polite to reciprocate the gesture by handing them yours in return. Additionally, when speaking with someone, avoid keeping both hands in your pockets. Also, try to be punctual for appointments; a delay of up to 10 minutes is generally acceptable. When invited to dinner at a friend’s house, this delay is often referred to as a “courtesy delay,” providing the hosts a little extra time to prepare.

What are the essential wardrobe pieces to always have on hand?

It’s important to have a few versatile items that can adapt to different situations. For instance, a midi dress that falls below the knee or a little black dress, which is the ultimate go-to for any occasion. Lastly, a navy blue suit, whether with a skirt or trousers, is a staple. You can never go wrong with a well-tailored suit.

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